Thursday, 31 January 2008

More law landmarks! And Gladiators!

A mother has successfully sued her former employers who branded her as "lazy" for wanting time off to care for her disabled son.

Continuing the theme of long overdue gender equality for yesterday, I'm very glad to see litigiation begining the process of reclaiming the mother.

This may also give way to more legislation protecting the rights of parents of disabled childen. Or parents in general.

Speaking of disabled children, I hope you caught the brilliant cutting edge documentary a boy called Alex.

It was feel good without being cheesy, uplifting yet poignant. And it proabably got Alex laid.

Growing up in Berkshire I have an inherrent dislike of Eton boys. Largely because they were rude to anyone daring to work under the age of eighteen, and often got so pissed after two pints they were barred from Weatherspoons.

This meant tighter ID checks for everyone. And no amount of flirting or short skirt got you into a pub that is synonmous with the gateway to hell.

Anyway, I'll make an exception for Alex. He never felt sorry for himself and was a testment to how far tenacity can get you.

Other amazing TV news

According to MSN, Gladiators is coming back!

If you were a child in the 90s you will understand how amazing this news is.

Braced with loud horn and a giant styrfoam pointy finger, children acrossed the land would salviate at the shout of "Contenders, ready!"

Lets just hope Wolf gets a cameo.

I dread to think of the effect he had on so many girls early sexual development. Wrong.

Wednesday, 30 January 2008

Why feminism matters in the 21st century

Victims of sex crimes can now sue their atackers years after the assualt took place.

This comes after a landmark ruling by the Law Lords.

Who knew common law would come in handy? So often a complete pain in the arse, but this time, it almost makes me proud to be British.

But one look at Victoria Beckham took that fuzzy feeling away.

This event has also been good for those of us who believe there is a reason for everything.

In this case a misogynistic waste of oxygen won the lottery and lo! A few years down the line it helps spur on a massive law reform in favour of protecting women.

Trying to explain to a man what it feels like to be raped or sexually assualted is like trying to explain to a woman what it feels like to be kicked in the balls.

The opposite sex can come to respect the pain, difficulty, embarrassment and self loathing generated by such an experience, but they can never fully understand it.

Hopefully this will spur on the case for extending rape sentencing.

Tuesday, 29 January 2008

Not a good day for the Tories.

But which day is?

Tory MP Derek Conway faces investigation after being suspended from the House of Commons for rampaging nepotism.

Um, Hello? Its politics and the Conservative Party? What did you think was going to happen?

America has built its current political climate on nepotism.

I'm told its a symptom of monarchy envy.

They can take Prince Edward. No one will miss him.

MP Nigel Watson is being questioned about an alleged assualt.

The MP has denyed assualting two teenagers, neither of which needed medical attention.

Gives whole new meaning to the hug a hoodie speach.

Monday, 28 January 2008

South Carolina

Hilary vs. Obama. What is there to say that hasn't already been said?

Obama has won South Carolina which was well, no suprise at all.

This leaves Hilary and Obama neck and neck, lending more meaning to the words Super Tuesday

We've heard enough about change, cultural divide and Obama's suspected drug use.

What's really, really, really important is that the Republicans don't win.

Because if they do, my country will be dragged into another war.

We had our time as an Empire and we still have guilt about it. Well, most of us do. I can't speak for the BNP, but they're mostly inbred mutants anyway....

But lets take this moment to look at what the Bush legacy has achieved:

1.) Achieving the impossible and uniting Arabs and Persians. Albiet in hatred against the West.
2.) Yep, that's pretty much it.

Corruption, corruption all around and what a voter thinks

Ken Livingstone has been exposed as drunk tyrant who either wastes public money or steals it.

Boris Johnson is now under investigation for a conflict of interest. He's recieved funding from a company which had development plans blocked by Livinstone.

And the Liberal Democrat candidate, Brian Paddick has two problems.

1.) He made his name by taking a "soft" approach to cannabis use.
2.) Depsite being a Lib Dem supporter and London citizen, I couldn't remember his name.

Welcoms to the race for London Mayor. It should have got people interested in local politics.

Instead it proved South Park's point about choosing between a giant douche and a turd sandwich.

I couldn't find the correct piece of footage to highlight my point, but there was plenty of other golden South Park moments to enojy.

Like this one. Enjoy.

Thursday, 24 January 2008

Terrorism legislation creates terrorism

Jacqui Smith, the Home Secretary, has honoured the tradition of over-reacting to the point of no return when she announces more plans for anti -terror legislation.

Despite founding post-Medieval Britain on Habeas Corpus, New Labour think its time to get rid of it.

Wasn't they-imprison-people-without-trial one of reasons we "liberated"/invaded Iraq?

Habeas Corpus became the cornerstone of modern civilisation back when syphilis and Catholicism were still popular in the UK.

Clearly, we should keep it as its got us this far.

Will someone tell Jacqui just because she's too afraid (or lazy) to leave her car to get a Kebab doesn't mean the rest of us are.

Can someone get her to take a deep breath and read Edward W. Said's Orientalism? I'm sure the Kebab would enjoy it.

Wednesday, 23 January 2008

The sudden death of Heath Ledger

We'll go back to politics soon, promise.

The demise of one of the greatest actors of a generation deserves a mention.

I turned 14 when 10 Things I Hate About You was released. Say what you will about the teen genre. The script was sharply written and the cast were promising.

Most girls my age had a massive crush on Heath Ledger up until today because of it.

Please come back Heath. Don't leave us with Orlando Bloom! He can't act and played a wooden elf!

You may have mumbled on occasions but that never damaged De Niro's career, so why would it damage yours?

Tuesday, 22 January 2008

Just a quickie

They've been bitching. Again.

Will someone please shut Hilary and Obama up? This should be about changing the world's largest superpower, not about who voted for Iraq.

Does no one listen when I ask them to slag of Republicans? So annoying.

I can't stay long today as the British stock market is in free fall and I have to see if I have any money left.

All I can say is; Bush, you fucker, who put you in charge of the money? You ruined you're own economy and now you're ruining mine. Wanker.

On another note

I know this blog isn't usually personal, but its been one of those weeks:

What does a girl have to do to get work experience around here?

I've been the BBC, a small production company and loads of other places, and everyone is happy to interview me, but never to higher me.

Seriously, what do I have to do? I'm a hard worker, fast learner and my shorthand and typing are very very fast. And still no one will higher me for what is effectivly slave labour.

Monday, 21 January 2008

It takes two clintons.

Hilary and Obama have not stopped attacking one another's campaigns despite calling a truce last week.

Former President Clinton is too involved in his wife's campaign, says Obama.

Give the woman a break, she has no carisma. He husband has probably farted more charm than she has ever exuded.

So she needs to use him.

And Obama has Oprah....and she has practically the same level of influence, if not more.

Who would you vote for? The woman backed by a saxophone toting womaiser or the man backed the the self-made, philanthropic torneado that is Oprah?

Let's remember who we really should be slagging off in this battle - the Republicans.

And no I'm not linking too them. It may increase their publicity.

Rock on

The never ending saga of Northern Rock is meant to be coming to some sort of close.

Close to cutting deal, not close to rebuilding a reputation or repaying taxpayers money.

The best bit is the rescue of Northern Rock is being brought about by turning the debt into bonds and then selling them on.

Wasn't selling on debt the problem in the first place?

Too much debt from sub-prime mortgages had been sold on and so the American market nosedived followed shortly by the British one.

So this will help us how?

Well it won't. The public will be making a massive fuck all back. But investors stand to make a lot.

Funny that.

Tuesday, 15 January 2008


Hilary vs Obama is now turning dirty after a misshap surrounding a comment Clinton made about Dr. Martin Luther King.

Quick nerd digression; Ohmygod if the primaries are turning out to be this entertaining can you imgaine what the actual election campaign is going to be like? I'm thinking:

Of course Hilary will be the one on the right.

Anyway she said something like the civil rights "dream began to be realised when President Lyndon Johnson passed the Civil Rights Act of 1964. It took a president to get it done."

This apparently diminshes Dr King's involvement in the civil rights case.

I must admit to being a little bemused at this. I'm English, we didn't have a civil rights movement.

We had world war two and then there was a gap until the Beatles came along. Somewhere inbetween all of this the find tradition of Glastonbury festival started and we've kept it going to this day.

Do you really think a woman married to a man who has been repeadtly referred to as the first black president of the USA is going to make a racial slur? Doubtful.

Is she going to highlight to legislative process of the civil rights movement because she's good a politics and gunning for president? Much more likely.

And will Obama try to play the racial equality card with himself in hopes of stealing African American voters from the Clintons? Probably.

So we can only presume that Obama's campaign have been the one pushing the racial card on this one. Which is cheap. Really fucking cheap. Considering he's all about healing the national divide.

Speaking of cheap shots I can't ignore the one referencing Cenator Obama's cocaine use.

Ohmygod! He acted like a normal human being once! We couldn't possibly have him for president!

Please can we stop all this hypocrisy over drug use? We've all done it once in a while and yes, I'm sure we all inhaled.

Monday, 14 January 2008

Are bankers wankers?

A High Court test case is due to commence which will try banks for over charging on over draft charges.

Put in language everyone can understand; we're going to try and finally stop those wankers getting away with half our money every time we get caught out at the end of month trying to get a cab home at 2am in the morning.

I'm particularly interested in this as I have a small habit of going over drawn every month. It's also known as being a student.

But some bright spark of a banker has said that if they loose the case they'll start charging for bank services, as they do on the continent.

I'm sorry what? They want to start charging customers when they give you their money? Wouldn't you be shooting yourself in the foot?

Sainsburies only charge you when you buy something. They won't charge you extra for paying them.

That's it. I'm stashing my cash under my bed.

Friday, 11 January 2008

Seperate reason

Twins who married each other without knowing they were related, have had their marriage annuled.

That's right, it's Friday, so fuck the serious news, lets roll out the circus freaks!

Well since CBB has been shoved to E4 and renamed celebrity hickjack (WTF? You can do this for a bunch of D list losers but you can't hijack Britney and drag her to Broadmore?) there's no annual race row to distract us from real news and drive up Channel 4's ratings.

But there are unfortunate twins!

This is the UK, this sort of shit never happens over here. If we want to see this on the news we'll have to watch a documentary called something like "My sister my wife: an indepth study of life in hicksville USA".

That's why its masquerading under the issue of more rights for children.

That and it was a closed court hearing so none of the public could get in and the story probably needed more than incest to get on the news agenda.

Should we give adopted children more rights?

After this scenerio a big resounding yes needs to be shouted.

These two didn't knopw they had been seperated from a twin. Alright, you can argue that its two consenting adultss so what's wrong with it.

I have a younger brother. If you have a sibling you will understand what's wrong with it.

There's no real words to describe how wrong it feels, only a splatter of vomiting as you contemplate the thought.

Thursday, 10 January 2008

Elections everywhere

Talks between Kenya's "President" Mwai Kibaki and opposition leader Raila Odinga have collapsed.

Mr Kibaki was unhappy signing a document that had already been agreed on by Mr Odianga, the world bank and himself (basically everyone that really matters).

How do you go about getting out of a deal that you've already agreed to?

First of all, you're going to look a like either:
a.) a spectacular retard.
b.) you've thrown your toys out of the pram.

You could always blame it on medication, but that will always raise more questions. Probably ones like how has lithium impaired your ability to run the country? Or do you know who I am? Or who's your doctor and where can I get some of these?

But I digress.

One of the areas Mr Kibaki was upset with was a point about the possibility of another round of elections.

Why are they even bothering to debate this point? People who actually voted for him (yes, I thought they had been manifestations of Mr Kibaki's imagination too) aren't going to do it again.

Loosing your house/arm/life to rioters after a rigged election is not going to inspire, well anyone with common sense to vote Mr Kibaki.

So it looks either totalitarianism or a total meltdown.

Wednesday, 9 January 2008

A quick update on America

Here's a quick blog on the wonders of New Hampshire.

Well that's proven to be a pivotal little fucker hasn't it?

It was in New Hampshire that Bill made his comeback/name/whatever in the 1992 race.

Will Hilary do the same? All she needs to do now is win "Super Tuesday".

Why did they give it such an upbeat name? Wouldn't doomsday Tuesday be a more apt name?

Or maybe Monica Tuesday?

Cor blimey Bill! To think you cheated on your lovely wife with her!

Um, on second thoughts maybe not.

It's just hard to look at Hilary Clinton surprised. I'm so used to seeing expressionless women botoxed up to the eyeballs after the age of 40 that when one chooses to age naturally it just looks weird.

Chicken run

Channel 4 with the help of Hugh Fearnely-Whittingstall and Jamie Oliver, are launching a campaign to stop intensive chicken farming.

And if you weren't moved to tears by last night's recreation of an intensive chicken farm, then you were moved to vomit.

Poor posh Hugh found himself in floods of tears at the prospect of killing two chickens who couldn't stand up because of the over cramped conditions.

Then there was the stand off with a single mother from a run down local estate.

She, along with others in her community had been encouraged to rear their own chicken so they could better understand farming.

Then they were taken to the intensive chicken farm which was rammed with 4000 birds.

With every group that was taken into the barn at least one came out crying.

The single mum (I'm sorry to label her so but I've forgotten her name) did point out that on her budget two chickens for £5.00 was all that she could afford. Fair enough.

She was also clearly overweight. Why doesn't she just take the fiver and buy a lot more vegetables (you'd be surprised at really how much you can get for that amount) and live off those instead?

Her waist, heart and cholesterol would be truly grateful. As would her son, who was one of the small children to come out crying (that's it Hugh, when all else fails, make the kiddies cry. That way everyone will have to buy free range!)

The last in the series of Hugh's Chicken Run is on tonight.

Then its Jamie Oliver's turn to gross us all out with his live depiction of intensive chicken farming.

He was also in last nights episode. During a town meeting Jamie gave his message of support via a video message to a town hall full of people.

It was a little patronising. I half expected people to bow down to their chef overlord as they thanked him for crusading for healthier school meals.

In return Jamie would bless them with his extra virgin olive oil and magimix.

It's worked though. I haven't bought battery farmed chicken in three years and I'm never buying it again after watching that.

Tuesday, 8 January 2008

The sector got screwed

Public sector workers are facing having their salaries set for three years instead of the regular 12 months.

What is the point in this?

Working for the public sector has always lacked one main point of appeal - decent money.

Growing up in the land of the free market economy you inevitably have one simple dream - to earn a decent wage with your integrity in tact.

This is not that dream. This is just a tired government running out of ideas.

Keeping wages on a steady course will prevent inflation from sky rocketing.

Food and petrol prices have already risen (significantly) over the last year.

So balance the two against each other and the credit crisis is avoided.

Am I the only who thinks this sounds like a con? Hard working doctors/nurses/teachers sign away hope of a pay rise so that everyone can benefit, despite already offering a free service?

After the summer that never was maybe we'll be up for a summer of discontent.

Also in the news

It's the big one tonight. The New Hampshire primary has already kicked off.

Hilary was very emotional. Well you would be, knowing that despite being a very good politician you were up against a modern rarity; an inspiring politican, and were probably going to loose.

Poor Hilary. She endured a miserable marriage to a philandering liar which got her to first lady.

Now she's trying to do it on her own terms and has suffered from really, really bad timing.

Oh well, best of luck Obama! You're living proof that all you need is Oprah.

Monday, 7 January 2008

Obama's back!

Despite the title, we'll be focusing on me, albiet briefly.

I'm sorry I haven't been around over Christmas. After being kidnapped by Father Christmas I was imprisoned in a small cage and kept alive on left over mince pies and sherry. I quickly lost interest in the mince pies.

As the room became blurry with Christmas cheer I found that I had regained super human strength and managed to snap the cage in half.

Kicking a small school of elves out of the way, I hot wired Santa's sleigh and flew it as far as Germany where I crash landed into a small grotto owned by an elderly couple.

Sobering up, the ghost of Christmas past materialised and informed me of my folly before calling me a cab home.

And this is why I couldn't blog for the last couple of weeks.

Oh fuck it, who am I kidding? I was too lazy, too fat and too distracted by the Dr. Who Christmas special to know what was really going on.

But the arrival of January's council tax bill woke me up and now I'm back with oodles of sarcasm.

Obama vs. Hilary

Black man vs white woman; this is a turn out for the books.

Which liberal in the wildest dreams could have dreamed this up? Was I the only one who had braced themselves for another election standoff between a cowboy and a nerd?

The primaries are turning out to be exciting. I know, I thought I'd never say that either!

Fuck John Kerry and Howard Dean; its a fight between the two greatest civil rights achievements of the 20th century.

This blog is of course completely neutral and has will not be picking sides.

Oh who am I kidding? Go Obama!

Hilary, it's not that I don't support you, its just that I can't handle another Bill and Hilary saga.

And you tend to divide the nation where as Obama unties.